


A terrible groupchat for terrible people

by luvgals



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, F/M, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Bad At Titles, I'm Sorry, M/M, Texting, groupchat, hunk is pure
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-29
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-10-12 09:11:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 1,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10487316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luvgals/pseuds/luvgals
Summary: Lilbitch: if it was opposite day we would never really know because if it was opposite day people would say it wasn'tPigeon: Lance what the fuck





	1. Taquitos

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry in advance

( Bbbabs = bby babs = Keith)  
(Lilbitch = Lance)

 

 

Bbbabs: father

Lilbitch: woah there boy I can't keep up with these kinks of yours

Bbbabs: A;GAVSGA ITS NOT A KINK I JUST KEYBOARD SMASHED AND IT AUTOCORRECTED TO T HAT

Lilbitch: u sure ;))))

Bbbabs: Lance stop

Lilbitch: make me

Bbbabs: I am, disgusted

Lilbitch: bb pls

Bbbabs: what do you want >:(

Lilbitch: ur love and affection

Bbbabs: that comes at high price

Lilbitch: I am willing to pay the price

Bbbabs: oh please ur poor

Lilbitch: I give you my LOVE and this is the thanks I get?? I'm hurt :"(

Bbbabs: good

Lilbitch: kinky ;))

Bbbabs: ew no

Lilbitch: you're the one who IMPLIED

Bbbabs: I DID N O T

Lilbitch: lyin is a sin, boy

Bbbabs: my taquitos are done b y e

Lilbitch: did you say taquitos

Lilbitch: I'm coming over

Pigeon: you dipshits do realize you were on the group chat right?

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pigeon: Pidge  
> Sunchild: Hunk  
> Bbbabs: Keith  
> Lilbitch: Lance

Sunchild: how were the taquitos guys :)

Lilbitch: Hunk ur so pure

Sunchild: :D

Pigeon: why are you fucks up at 6 am on a Saturday

Lilbitch: hello to you too Pidge

Lilbitch: and Keith snores so I got like .5 hours of sleep

Pigeon: serves you right for being gross yesterday

Lilbitch: itS NOT MY FAULT I THOUGHT WE WERE PRIVATE MESSAGING

Bbbabs: you can't erase the past, Lance

(Bbbab's screen name was changed to Traitor)

Traitor: why are you so petty

Lilbitch: I'm not petty ur just a traitor

Pigeon: Lance what you just did was the equivalent of petty

Lilbitch: Hunk help me out here

Sunchild: petty  
When someone takes a small subject and blows it out of proportion.

At times, making something otherwise insignificant into something bigger to suit their own agenda.

(Sunchild's screen name was changed to Traitor #2)

Pigeon: petty

Lilbitch: I'm done with your guys' shit

(Lilbitch left the group chat)

(Lilbitch was added to the groupchat)

Traitor: there is no escape >:)))

Lilbitch: I can't believe you guys turned my own BOYFRIEND against me

Pigeon: you chose this life Lance

Lilbitch: I h8 all of you

Traitor #2: :'(

Lilbitch: except Hunk

Traitor: :"(

Lilbitch: and Keith

Pigeon: :"'(

Lilbitch: fuck you Pidge

 


	3. Shenanigans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically Hunk being pure and my parents being a power couple

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Traitor: Keith  
> Lilbitch: Lance  
> Pigeon: Pidge  
> Traitor #2: Hunk   
> Daddy: Shiro  
> Oldlady: Allura

Daddy: did you guys seriously have an argument about Lance being petty yesterday?

Pigeon: yes

Traitor #2: yes

Traitor: yes

Lilbitch: yes

Oldlady: wow

Traitor #2: hi Allura :D

Oldlady: who did this to you Hunk?? Why is your name Traitor #2

Oldlady: Lance??

Lilbitch: I have the right to remain silent

Oldlady: why Hunk he's too pure for your shenanigans

Pigeon: omg

Pigeon: Allura did you just use the word shenanigans

Lilbitch: ur such a mom

Traitor: stop.

Lilbitch: what, are you jealous Keith ;))

Traitor: no I'm just disgusted

Traitor: and we all know you don't have a chance with Allura

Daddy: burn

Oldlady: ouch

Pigeon: what a power couple

Lilbitch: SO ITS CUTE WHEN THEY ACT ALL COUPLEY

Pigeon: because they're not gross

Traitor: since when are me and Lance gross??

Lilbitch: you tell em' babe

Pigeon: see that's gross

Lilbitch: I am, offended

Traitor #2: well I think you guys are cute

Traitor: thanks Hunk

Traitor #2: :D

Pigeon: pure

Lilbitch: pure

Traitor: pure

Daddy: pure

Oldlady: pure

Traitor #2: :'D

 


	4. Chapter 4

( **Traitors screen name was changed to Bbbabs)**

**(Traitor #2 screen name was changed to Sunchild)**

Bbbabs: n'yall

  
Pigeon: don't ever say that again

  
Bbbabs: ny'alright

  
Pigeon: die

  
**(Bbbabs screen name was changed to furry)**

  
Lilbitch: N'YALL

  
Pigeon: do you want to be dead

  
Lilbitch: grammar is a thing Pidge

  
Pigeon: **I _said do you want to be dead?_**

  
Lilbitch _: I'm frightened, I really am._

  
Furry: Lance, babe. Are you aware of what Pidge can do to you?

  
Furry: she'll ruin you

  
Sunchild: I'm planning the funeral rn

  
Pigeon: listen to them Lance

  
Lilbitch: what kind of mean girls shit-

  
Pigeon: I'll literally dig up some dirt on u rn

  
Pigeon: try me

  
Lilbitch: calm down happy meal

  
Pigeon:  **bitch**

  
Furry: thar she blows

  
Sunchild: rip Lance

  
Lilbitch: I'm not even  _scared_

  
Daddy: hi guyswaitlancewhatdidyoudo??

  
Pigeon: **[image sent]**

  
Pigeon: _where is your god now Lance?_

  
Furry: ASSDFFHJKL

  
Lilbitch: PID GE WHAT THE FUCK

  
Oldlady: that's.. that's really  
something

  
Sunchild: MY E Y ES !?

  
Lilbitch: I WAS YOUNG

  
Lilbitch: I MADE MISTAKES

  
Furry: how old were you exactly?

  
Lilbitch: ...

  
Lilbitch: 15

  
Furry: 15 ???? YOU LOOK FUCKING 12

Pigeon: tag yourself I'm the "Ladies man" text on his shit

  
Pigeon: *shirt

  
Sunchild: I'm the Spongebob snapback

  
Daddy: I'm the grass stained khaki pants

  
Furry: I'm the socks he's wearing under his sandals

  
Oldlady: I'm the dirty mirror he took the photo with

  
Lilbitch: and I'm deeply regretting making Pidge mad

  
Pigeon: wait there's more

  
Furry: THIS I S THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE

  
Lilbitch: _don't_

  
Pigeon: can you believe the only time Keith isn't completely pissed off it's because Lance is suffering

  
Furry: what can I say, I enjoy the pain of others. :)

  
Sunchild: ok, ew

  
Oldlady: ^^

  
Daddy: ^^^

  
Pigeon: ^^^^

  
Lilbitch: hA

  
Furry: I am, disgusted

  
**(Pigeon's screen name was changed to Blackmail)**

  
Blackmail: awww guys

  
Blackmail: I'm honoured

  
Oldlady: I'm proud

  
Daddy: I'm **_disappointed_**

  
Lilbitch: and I'm terrified of what this this 5 year old is capable of

  
Blackmail: I'm 15 you bitch rat

  
Sunchild: omg; it's like that one vine

  
Lilbitch: THAT ONE WHERE THE GIRL IS LIKE

 

Furry: **"I'M 11 SO SHUT THE FUCK UP"**

 

Blackmail: I hope you all choke and die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pidge is the blackmail queen


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dick = Lance   
> Pidgey = guess

**(Dick and Pidgey)**

 

 **Pidgey:**  I think I'm a lesbian

 

**Dick:** _I thought you were American_


	6. Chapter 6

**(Pidgey and Dick)**

 

 **Pidgey:** _Lance I'm serious_

  
**Dick:** sorry lil p' I couldn't pass up that opportunity

  
**Dick:** anYWAYS OMG LITTLE PIDGEY-POO IS GROWING UP AHH IM SO PROUD

  
**Pidgey:** ok first of all I thought I told you to never call me that again and second, thanks?

  
**Dick** : IM SOBBING IM A PROUD PARENT

  
**Pidgey** : but I don't know Lance

  
**Dick:** and that's ok !!! you can take some time to figure out who you like and who you don't !! And we'll all be here for you whenever you need us, it's alright to be unsure !

  
**Pidgey:** thanks Lance, you're the best :")

  
**Dick:** _i know ;)_

 

 **Pidgey:** Nvm ur still a broken lamp

 

 **Dick:** aww what happened to "bitch rat" ?

  
**Pidgey:** fuck you, you dirty microwave

  
**Dick:** creative

 

 

  
**(A terrible groupchat for terrible people)**

 

 **Furry:** I refuse to believe that Mountain Dew makes your dick small.

  
**Lilbitch:** what did I just walk into

 

 **Sunchild:** Keith won't accept the truth

 

 **Blackmail:** looks like you better lay off the Mountain Dew Lance

  
**Furry:** it's too late for that

  
**Blackmail: *spits out drink***

  
**Lilbitch:** that's doesn't work over text Pidge.

  
**Lilbitch:** ALSO WHAT TBE FUCJ KEITH

  
**Daddy:** this is a fucking tragedy

  
**Oldlady:** I almost feel sorry for Lance

  
**Lilbitch:** _really?_

  
**Oldlady:** **Nvm**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so short hgsvgns


	7. Chapter 7

**Furry:** I'm here and I'm gay

  
 **Blackmail:** I thought it was "I'm here and I'm queer."

  
 **Blackmail:** also same

  
 **Lilbitch:** *gurgling noises*

  
**Sunchild:** _*intensified gurgling_   
_noises*_

  
**Furry:** ***gay gurgling noises***

  
**Daddy: _*fatherly gurgling noises*_**

 

 **Oldlady** ** _:_** why are you all gurgling

  
 **Lilbitch:** yOU BROKE THE CHAIN

  
 **Oldlady:** excuse u the only thing I'm breaking is the record for being the most unappreciated character

  
 **Furry:** what

  
 **Oldlady:** _what_

 

 

 **Sunchild** : _anyways_ , omG PIDGE REALLY AHHH IM SO PROUD OF YOU FOR TELLINlG US !!

  
 **Blackmail:** aww thanks hunk

  
 **Furry:** I honestly thought she'd devoted herself entirely to electronics

  
 **Blackmail:** Fuck off Keith

  
 **Lilbitch:** lmao, yea Keith

  
 **Daddy:** that's weird

  
 **Lilbitch:** what ??

  
 **Daddy:** usually you would stand up for Keith

  
 **Blackmail:** Yeah, when you two got over hating eachother and started dating you became obsessed with him.

  
 **Furry:** Lance is mad because I ate his taquitos

  
 **Lilbitch:** YOU ATE THE WHOLE PACK THERE WAS AT LEAST FIFTEEN IN THERE KEITH

  
 **Furry** : I was hungry

  
**Lilbitch: f i f t e e n  t a q u i t o s**

  
**Oldlady** : ok Lance, don't you think you're being a little immature

  
 **Lilbitch** : have you ever had something you loved stolen from you?

  
 **Lilbitch** : all because _someone_ didn't know how to control themselves

  
 **Furry** : Lance if you knew how to control yourself you wouldn't have made the taquitos in the first place

  
 **Lilbitch** : DON'T TRY TO MAKE THIS ABOUT ME KEITH KOGANE, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID

  
 **Furry** : Yes, I satisfied my cravings.

  
 **Sunchild** : I'll get you more taquitos buddy !

  
 **Lilbitch** : _it wouldn't be the same_

  
 **Daddy** : OH MY GOD LANCE THEY'RE JUST GODDAMN TAQUITOS

  
 **Lilbitch** : THEY WERE MY TAQUITOS SHIRO. THEY HELD A DEAR PLACE IN MY HEART UNTIL IT WAS RIPPED OUT BY KEITH'S GREEDY HANDS.

  
 **Blackmail** : i swear to god Lance you are about to catch my hands if you don't stop

  
 **Oldlady** : I can't even hear his whining and I'm getting a headache.

  
 **Sunchild** : we all are

  
 **Lilbitch** : vjfususjc

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey pals, it's been awhile :')


End file.
